LA tagger finds only bus in all of LA

yep. someone actually found a bus in LA. then they spraypainted it.

for the record, there is at least one bus in LA.

A friend in Weed is a friend indeed

With the slogan "try legal weed" a former cop (of all people!) is running into some troubles with "the man" (a bigger the man) upset with his drug running.

Look, if California wasn't in the US, the BATF could focus on more important issues, like, umm, what do they do exactly?

our first corporate sponsor!

None other than the New York Times!!!

I feel so specially that this bastion of not California has pointed out the obvious to the entire world:

"The ‘L.A. Look’ needs to go away forever, please. If they banned fedoras, tacky sunglasses, blazers over T-shirts, leggings and Kitson, Los Angeles would become a nudist colony."

for good measure I am going to add my favorite quote from the sponsorship press release:

"If you took a snapshot of Kate Moss and Pete Doherty from two years ago, photocopied it 27 times, covered it in Velveeta, ran it through a Hot Topic sample sale and then sold it as a cheap knock-off on Canal Street, it would look like this picture."

today is a good day

not only did I not have to you my AK (nods to mr. cube) but the most perfect example of california fell into my laptop this morning.

puke your hearts out.


let's see:

met in india? check.

built a mahayana for the rapture? check.

name drop where they buy their made by 5 year olds in indonesia parasol? check.

live in a neighborhood that has heights in it that's not actually full of poor people? check.

children with names you've never heard before that probably mean things like "wellness" in some other language? check.

say it's not hard to grow chard in the yard? check.

SMOOTHIES? duh.

am I missing anything? oh yeah:

are featured in photo exposés in the LA Times? CHECK!

the economic stimulus party

what happens when you cram too many rich white bastards into one formerly poor mexican neighborhood?

the smugness just oozes out all over the place, that's what happens.

I got an email the other day that said this:

"THE ECONOMIC STIMULUS CHECKS HAVE ARRIVED!!!

Hello my friends-

I while back I sent many of you a lengthy email detailing my plan to throw an economic stimulus party. Im sure many of you have been waiting with bated breath to hear details about when and where you will be able to participate in this fabled event.

A number of factors have been distracting me and as a result I have sent you all no updates. Luckily, two local geniuses have been working in parallel to develop their own flavor of the Econ Stim party (economicstimulusparty.org) and they are throwing a kick ass shin dig on June 7 at the Northstar bar in Northbeach (check the website for details). All proceeds are going to a great charity and its an open bar. No losers there.

I have also not been totally neglecting my end of the econ stim party. In partnership with the residents of [insert hipster address here], I will be hosting a lamb roast, local foods and beer extravaganza this coming sunday. THATS RIGHT, A LAMB ROAST. We will be cooking an entire lamb provencal style and serving wonderful side dishes that even our vegetarian and vegan friends will find sumptuous. The key details are as follows: this coming sunday (May 25) we will be hosting an all day grill out at [more hipster address goes here] Mission, San Francisco, Ca.
You are all encouraged to bring something to share with family, friends and neighbors.

PLEASE CONSIDER BUYING LOCAL, SUSTAINABLY GROWN WHEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU BRING."

Now, I know what you're thinking: why don't I give you the address so you can go and beat their asses. Well, the Bou' doesn't want blood on his hands, that's why he left the UN and joined up with the kickoutcalifornia.com efforts, duh.

So, what are your options? Did you have to ask?

set phasers to kill

yup. in case you didn't know lueftenant sulu is not only gay, he's getting married in order to realize his "california dream".

ain't.

makin'.

it.

up.

fresh goddamned fruit is our birthright

having a new yorker tell you that you have better produce than they do is like having the person that washes your bently tell you that you have have a nice car. first of all: like, duh. second of all: if it was worth the extra effort I would totally tell your boss that you should be fired for talking to the customers.

still, i point to this article.

not to boast though. I point to it because there's a goddamned statue of ghandi in front of the fairy building.

gavin newsom

"So California goes, so goes the nation."

yep - he said that.

Look folks, I can't think of a bigger warning sign - this guy is waving a big flag, actually I think he's poking the flag pole directly into your eye.

And so Gavin Newsom is added to my list of Californians that make people want to kick California out of the union.

I will improvise a little check list for you:


smug? check

meanspirited vindictiveness? check

hair? check

hair stuff? check

terrifying photo that looks like it could either be from a movie about a politician's rise and fall or from a bad dream roger waters had? check

cheats on staffers with staffers' wives who are also staffers? check

looks good doing it? check (this is I suppose a matter of personal preference, technically he's not my type, but I hear this from women all the time: "he is sooooo handsome". yuck.)

california republicans

this subject of same sex marriage raises an important point - california's supreme court is crammed full of republicans and yet it still voted in support of ass sex.

how can this be?

let me tell you, friends: california republicans.

they're not real republicans. I know I know I know you're gonna say "come on, nixon? reagan?" and I will tell you - nope. not real.

california republicans are just a hair to the right of daniel ortega on the spectrum of communists to true americans. that's saying an extra lot about california republicans when you consider that reagan was sort of responsible for illegally funding attempts to overthrow him by selling drugs and weapons to soon to be axis of evil members.

which is another thing....

ass sex and carpet munching

well now they've done it.

the gays can get married in california now. not just in crazy san francisco, but the whole damned soon to be former state.

now is your chance!!!

sex toys in the shape of religious icons

is there room in hell for all of california?

yes. yes there is.

and yes, www.divine-interventions.com is most definitely an 18 and up site thank you very much.

the ranch home

there was a period in American history when houses had two floors.

it was a good period.

then some jackass with some spare change decided to buy some bankrupt farmer's digs.

I have an idea - instead of say, being a farmer, lets rip all that ag out and build the cheapest houses we can because the land was so cheap!

nothing says "I (heart) sprawl" like a 2500 square foot home that is less than 14 feet high.

also, it's almost impossible to kill yourself by throwing yourself from the roof in disgust.

HOV lanes

ever been in a car with less than three people in it and found that you can't use the fast lane?

blame california!

oh, and start carpooling, jerk.

Larry Ellison

It's not the $300,000,000.00 home. It's not the tax deduction he got because his $300,000,000.00 home is "outdated" and therefore not worth as much as it appears because he'll have to spend EVEN MORE MONEY modernizing it to keep up with, ummm who exactly? It's not his boats, errr... ships. It's not that he looks pretty much exactly like an evil superhero.



It's not his smug prognostications or his willingness to buy all his competitors and fund new ones to undercut the ones that aren't for sale. It's not the god awful ugly campus he put right on the water. It's not that he loved the combination of wealth power and danger associated with regattas until he realized they were expensive and dangerous and promptly bailed. It's not that he owns multiple versions of the same car, or that he owns multiple cars that cost more than $250,000.00. It's not that he owns military jets for personal use. It's not that he repeatedly violated nighttime flight restrictions at his local airport with his personal jets. It's not even that he got a federal judge to order the city which controls that airport to grant him a personal waiver from their nighttime flying restrictions because he wasn't ever going to stop no matter what the losers in charge of that puny little city of did. It's not that he bought 12 houses in Malibu so he could build a home down there too. It's not that he married an Oberlin graduate. It's not even that he was allowed to donate $100,000,000.00 to himself as punishment for illegally dumping $1,000,000,000.00 of Oracle stock rather than pleading guilty to in an insider trading deal. It's not any one of those things.

It's all of those things together.

Now, clearly there is a risk for Californians that if we were to get kicked out of the United States that Mr. Ellison would become king. This is a risk we will have to take. This is a risk the rest of the world should be foisting upon us. Do your part: donate - especially you Larry - this is your big chance.

Rob Reiner

I had contemplated starting on my list of California CEOs that make people want to kick California out of the union, but then I thought of Rob Reiner.

A lot of people may be wondering which tags I'm going to use for this post - yes meathead will be one of them - but I also point to boob, goddamned hippies, hollywood liberals, smugness, anti-smoking campaigns, the proposition system, and of course jesus christ - the pathos is killing me.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present Rob Reiner, Californian.



Also, I've given this some thought and I'm pretty sure that This is Spinal Tap is actually a foreign film already, so no worries there.

politically correctness

WE SO OWN THIS!!!

Bring it on, all you PC haters.

California is responsible for the term, the concept, the emotional underpinnings which created and support it.

I dedicate this post to all the straw people of the world - UNITE!!!

On the subject of straw people, I am throwing my support behind a migration to the term "hay dude" as a replacement for the term straw people as a replacement for the term straw man, which was ruined by the movie wicker man, which was really ruined by the remake under the same name.

Lest I forget, I have not been able to calculate the number of person hours this will cost, nor am I sure how differently abled people will be empowered by the decision, but I do promise to critically examine issues of agency built into my assumptions.

en lo que pensamos sobre la celebración del cinco de mayo

Este pagina es in español. QUE GUAPA NO?

it's also possible that for some reason today Safari decided I was in Spain.

By the way, I want to point out that Spain used to own California.

It's true. So says Jimmy Wales.

Lest I forget la mission de este organizacion, la pagina de propinas.

Oh, and just to piss of the Spanish (aside from mangling their language), I'm using the "Search in Basque" function of the google.es page, so take THAT you Eusk-haters.