it's not just two buttons, you have to push one of them twice!

alternatively, one could just suppose that finding the 11 key was taking too long.

yes, a paralegal is being defended by his employer (former employer?) after bashing the head in of an alleged home intruder, cutting said head off, along with the limbs, and burying all the parts up in the mountains.

the claimed defense (only in California would this work) "I didn't have time to dial 911" - before his trip to the mountains I suppose.

what's interesting to the Bou' is that the victim/alleged assailant is still unidentified.

Ahhhh Fresno.

Well clearly the name entitles you to SOMETHING

maybe it's stabbing your wife.

Yes, Jesus Jihad stabbed his wife and blamed it, not on his rather Californian name, but instead on the economy, stupid.

"It shouldn't be no surprise that it ended in violence," Jihad said in an Oakland courtroom. "Jihad is going to prison. The problem in Oakland is guns and violence. So this is the end result."

santa barbara overrun by ferrel chihuahuas

it's bad enough to have all those kids that don't even know what their parents look like and confuse the words mommy and nanny, but now it appears that santa barbara is being overrun by ferrel chihuahuas.

"More than 100 high-energy Chihuahuas abandoned by owners have been crowding Santa Barbara County's three shelters in recent months, leading Animal Services officials to stage this week's Adopt-a-Chihuahua Week."

Come on Santa Barbara, surely you can afford therapy for your little nippers!

Alternatively, you could put some prada or gucci rocks in their little totes and throw them into the ocean.

v is for victory!

homeless people are so prevalent in san francisco that, when the city decided to tear up the lawn in front of city hall to plant some locally grown produce, they had to hire security guards to stop the homeless people from eating the produce.

it costs them $3500 a week in security charges.

but hey, let's look into those charges... apparently it's not to protect the food from being eaten, it's to stop homeless people from peeing on the food. and how safe is san francisco's civic center at night? well the cost of security is high because apparently the security guards are afraid to be there by themselves amongst all the potentially peed on plants.

in case you were wondering, the plot is about 30 feet wide and 200 feet long, surrounded by a 3 foot high fence of hay.

now that's what the Bou' calls a victory garden!

you can have my logo when you peel it from my cold dead head

ah, california. where even outlaw motorcycle gangs have copyrighted their logos and the man is absurdly stupid enough to think they can take ownership of the trademark because a bunch of OUTLAWS are such strict followers of copyright law.

I am not making this up.

So, if one were to, say search for images of the mongol motorcycle logo, the first image you find is of this guy, who really seems like the kind of guy that is concerned with making sure Disney isn't being harmed by bootlegged copies of Bambi getting into the mits of kittens.

yeesh.

This guy almost tops the nazi wearing the tie die the Bou' saw on the bus!

Only in San Francisco..

can you run faster than anyone else and lose because you don't consider yourself elite.

seriously lame.

a little background:

Arien O'Connell, a middle school teacher ran faster than all the other women in the Nike (rhymes with hates women) marathon, wasn't allowed to win because she didn't consider herself elite and prizes are only given to the people that consider themselves elite, not the fastest person in the race.

SO TAKE THAT YOU LIBERAL ELITES, or not, maybe. You have confused the Bou'.

Seriously, The line that comes to mind is "what in the hell is wrong with you idiots?" I mean, we already are pretty sure that Portland is like San Francisco in ENGLISH, but come on.

what is sew it back on and send him back to jail? duh

how else would california question the answer "Skylar Deleon, who cut his penis off in jail with a razor blade had this done to him by the man"?

A phenominal story by any stretch, but extra special awesome when alex trebek answers it.

beware - the ninja style

Everyone knows that ninjas use all black motorcycles, so calling a black motorcycle with a blue stripe on the tank ninja style is just plain stupid.

after I get a tattoo on my forehead, I'm gonna burn grandma

it seems reasonable when you live in california to do things that other people might not understand.

apparently one of these things includes making a necklace of your mother's skull and cremating her in a culvert on your farm.

these types of things happen all the time in california.

It's not just san francisco that's got flamers folks

Redding California apparently does too.

Yep, a squirrel with a rainbow speedo apparently got hopped up on amyl nitrate and started a fire in Redding.

IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE????

In related news, for the first time ever, dry vegetation was sparked in northern California that was not marijuana. True.

I'll bid one bomb Bob

look, Bob Barker isn't even the host anymore - does anyone care about the price is right without bob?

yes. yes, at least one person REALLY CARES.

Someone really ought to just go home, spay and neuter their pets, and just chill out

san francisco no home for gafflers say police

it's official, the po-po says "you can't gaff people". which means it's now totally okay to buy drugs on the street!

100% PURE AWESOMENESS.

Gafflers be damned

who's that?.....squirrel

only in echo park ladies and gentlemen.

"i'd give my nuts to have what you have"

sir, you forgot your mcribs!

ah los angeles, where grown men punch teenage girls in the face (multiple times) for arguing with them about cutting in line.

safe bets those kids will blame all women for the beating they received in the car too.

The Bou' has said it before and he'll say it again: all those beef steroids are no good for developing temper management skills.

Also, the Bou' has to just say "McRib, WTF?" Some genius in Brookfield probably got a fat bonus for coming up with the idea of making a mcnugget process that could make processed red meat look like a bovine exoskeleton.

This "incident" also provides opportunity to address a key issue here - if California is kicked out of the union, won't it impact plush corporate headquarters in places like Illinois? No!! Haven't you ever heard of outsourcing? It's all the rage in sprawling suburban corporate headquarters the globe over.

The Bou' is so lovin' it.