kick out california!!!

when your official city policy is to disriminate against poor people

2010-02-25T07:57:00.000-08:00

you gotta be in the bastion of liberalism - the east bay of california.

h00ray Oakland!

but mom, all I wanted was cheeseburger for breakfast

2010-01-04T08:13:00.000-08:00

Since the 1980s southern California angst and ennui have bundled death and the simple act of getting tasty and convenient food. But perhaps no person since Mike Muir has better summed up the experience than this 66 year old.

speedballs for everyone! or your peanut butter got into my chocolate california style

2010-01-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

So the other day the Bou' was trying to get de-wormed with a boatload of Levasole, and someone totally mixed in a bunch of cocaine into the Bou's de-worming medicine. Man, I swear these Californians seem like they're just messing with people sometimes.

Really, can you think of a more californian newspaper article than "Most cocaine diluted with unsafe livestock drug"?

man boob for tat

2009-10-28T10:59:00.002-07:00

In California, the governor and the legislature don't get along so well, but a fuck you letter is taking it to a whole new level.

man boob for tat

2009-10-28T10:59:00.001-07:00

that's what friends are for... in california

2009-10-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

The Bou' has to point out that the whole "this guy is a cop" thing is a bit overblown, but woah - it's a great story anyway.

even the po-po dogs in california are on the medicine

2009-10-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

yes, the drug dogs are snorting Tina. The Bou' has to admit, it's gotta be a stressful job, and if you've got those tendencies and your job is to have your nose right in the stuff, well. damnit. that ain't right.

I'm lookin' out for you Balu.

California schools encouraging phone sex with school children

2009-10-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

The Bou' is struggling a bit with this one:

A fund raiser t-shirt for an elementary school that featured the school mascot and a phone sex number.

At least their mascot isn't the chicken hawk.

Well, they were gonna die anyway - so what's the harm stealing from them?

2009-10-15T08:29:00.001-07:00

California is filled with some special people. One of those special people is Christine Daniel. In the words of anyone with any common sense "she is one seriously evil bitch". Is it being a pentacostal minister? Well, that certainly helps, yes, but the Bou' was more focused on her stealing money from people with cancer while dispensing medical advice that, well, let's just say veers a bit from what most would consider standards of care.

Or science. But who needs science when you've got god on your side no? Really the best of both worlds to be a doctor and a minister so that you can get 'em coming and going no?

are you sure?

2009-10-15T08:24:00.000-07:00

It's not every day that the New York Times gets something totally wrong, but the Bou' is pretty sure that this little bit of Darwinian magic occurred in California, not Arizona.

Ten bucks says even if California hasn't annexed the retreat center, most of the people attending were Californians.

why are there no good flintstones metaphors for witness intimidation?

2009-10-15T08:04:00.000-07:00

Seriously. The Bou' spent some considerable effort trying to come up with a good metaphor for witness intimidation based on the cartoon show called the flintstones. (you know, the ones from the town of bedrock).

There just aren't any.

And that may be why Eric Safire, who appears to be a real son of a bitch and not a very good lawyer at the same time, decided to intimidate witnesses while actually in the court room.

Given that we already started with the story of a diamond encrusted bam bam pendant, it was not likely that this case could get any more retarded, but apparently California would like us to reconsider.

I hear slaves help

2009-10-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

A lot of people are poseurs, especially a lot of people in California. But one of the hardest things to front on is having coin.

So like, when you're claimin' to have a nice crib in the land of plenty, one of the easiest ways to fake it is to get slaves.

that's what I hear at any rate.

who's johnny? I did it for the golfers comma damnit

2009-09-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

some people go to joshua tree because they are U2 fans, some because they are rock climbers.

some do it because they are freakin' INSANE.

oakland finally gets it shit together

2009-09-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

I know, we were all getting to the breaking point having to step of the bodies of murdered street walkers to say nothing of kids sitting on their front porches, but oakland has finally got a solution to all its woes:

put an immediate stop to all these terrible nail salons!

THANK FUCKING GOD!!!! IT WAS GETTING SO DAMNED OUT OF CONTROL I HAD NO IDEA IF IT WOULD EVER BE SAFE AGAIN!!

Look. Really. The Bou' has actually had to step around dead bodies on the street in Oakland before, but those kinds of problems pale in comparison to the scourge that is small business owners paying rent to landlords of otherwise vacant parcels and employing themselves and maybe 2 or 3 others? Perhaps, and maybe this is a stretch, but just perhaps if the city council got its head out of its collective ass and actually tried to do something, you know, like, umm, ANYTHING, well then maybe there would just be a chance for Oakland. Except of course for the fact that it is in California.

ass you vee arse onist

2009-09-10T22:14:00.000-07:00

welcome, my friends, to california, where assburgers are justification for all sorts of things.

even setting peoples' cars on fire.

i tattooed my heart in san francisco

2009-09-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

please, someone, kill these people before they hurt themselves.

setting rosebud on fire as a means for self immolation

2009-09-02T08:45:00.000-07:00

WR Hearst most certainly would not go gentle into that dark night if he knew that his former publication wants everyone (at least everyone on the internets in california) to toke up in golden gate park and you know, like, chill a bit. "no need for that apple, dude"

yes, apparently DRUM CIRCLES are good for something other than irritating everyone else. Maybe the Bou' should point out that that would actually be IN ADDITION to irritating everyone else.

extra points to whoever came up with the most retarded line in print on Wednesday September 2, 2009:

"no need for that apple"

The Bou' gives you props for staggering levels of unimagination and thanks you extra especially for the free toilet paper.

64 year old strippers

2009-08-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

Most people think of strippers as, well, not old. Apparently this is not so in California.

Strange to be famous for getting fake tits, but hey, I guess it takes all kinds.

channel your inner puke

2009-07-28T01:00:00.000-07:00

namaste! and greetings from the California department of WTF.

The only thing more Californian than the wanderlust festival is... well. I guess I might as well just shut this site down. This pretty much takes the cake. vegan cake mind you.

now go buy some medicine for the crabs you got last weekend.

spoiled rich kids

2009-07-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

San Francisco AGAIN.

What is with this city? apparently these people.

Seriously, the Bou' is tempted to find out where ALL of these peoples' houses are and take a big crap in their front yard.

The Bou' knows that pretty much all cities are run by rich people, but only San Francisco is run by rich kids that act like spoiled whiners.

when I hear the word Fido I reach for my gun

2009-07-23T23:11:00.000-07:00

"I can touch it any time I like" is not something the Bou' ever likes to hear.

It's especially not something the Bou' likes to hear about someone's dead dog.

So I get that this is not a Californian story, I just ask why is the LATimes making this news? I can already see a sequel to Beverly Hills Chihuahua being made about how a talking rat wears a special vest made of magic chihuahua fur that allows it to talk.

Oh great, now I'm making the problem worse.

i personally prefer internal frame backpacks

2009-07-23T23:07:00.000-07:00

but, hey, what do you expect from a bird brain.

The Bou' is pretty pleased to see how crafty some Californians are about using their cell phones.

California destroys $1.2 Billion in farm products

2009-07-23T22:57:00.000-07:00

California apparently does respect farmers' contributions to the economy. Yep. For no good reason apparently this week saw the government destroy 1.2 billion dollars of crop in the wester Sierra -

WAIT JUST ONE GODDAMNED MINUTE!!!

THEY WERE GROWING POT?

WTF?

1.2 billion dollars in weed?

what in the hell is going on in this state?

so there is some blame to go around

2009-07-21T07:47:00.001-07:00

but it is worth noting that the stupid idea STARTED in california and spread elsewhere.

in celebration of the highest unemployment rate in a generation:
a pet only airlines.

The Bou' does want to point out that people will be going to hell for this, so it's not as bad as it looks.

coward journalists

2009-07-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

yep. san francisco again. in addition to having a rather amazingly terrible record at keeping witnesses alive, san francisco's po-po are apparently really into bad mouthing people that don't trust their ability to keep them alive.

I point to Lt. Mike Stasko, who said of a journalist student who prefers to stay alive:

"we're just going to find some witnesses who aren't cowards, like this student is, hiding behind the shield law"