It brings a little tattooed tear to my eye

FRESNO ALERT!!!

The Bou' loves it when Fresno is in the news - and it's hard to find a better story and forcibly tattooing a seven year old with a gang sign when it comes to, well, the central valley lifestyle.

It's telling that it took two people to do this - both the tattoo artist and the father to hold the child down. Now that's true love.

not one but two

The Bou' noticed that when Forbes released its crappiest cities in the United States of America list that not one but two California cities (surprisingly close to each other) made the list.

Well, congratulations are certainly in order for both Stockton (#1 baby!) and Modesto (will have to settle for #5, but did beat Flint Michigan fer chrissake), but the Bou' wonders if we shouldn't just consider the entire central valley one giant crapasaurus rex of a city, I mean it's only a matter of time before all the orchards are converted to track houses right?

what? they took away her troop leader status?

TRACY!!! The gateway to the central valley (the Bou' is not making up that name) - home to girl scout troop leaders that keep, by all appearances, slaves.

In case you get confused by all the ass sex in san francisco and those damned liberal hollywood types in los angeles, the central valley is the MORAL COMPASS of California - where Californians go to learn important life skills like how to sell cookies for money and how much to pay someone to steal their child, keep them chained to a wall and make them do all your chores.

"the valley"

Okay, guess what? just because Los Angeles is the center of your world doesn't mean it's the center of THE world.

In fact, though it may be a strain for your smaller than average brain (scientific fact!) there are other valleys in the world. Not only that but there are bigger ones and ones that have more people in them. In fact, the only unique element of "the valley" when compared to all the other valleys in the world is that there is no valley that makes more PORN.

That's it.

This not so subtle self aggrandizing bogusness is a clarion call to the rest of humanity to donate right now so we can ensure that these denizens of and (worse!) migrants from "the valley" and the rest of their californian neighbors are given their rightful place away from the rest of us.

This spoon gagging bogosity is precisely what must be purged.