speedballs for everyone! or your peanut butter got into my chocolate california style

So the other day the Bou' was trying to get de-wormed with a boatload of Levasole, and someone totally mixed in a bunch of cocaine into the Bou's de-worming medicine. Man, I swear these Californians seem like they're just messing with people sometimes.

Really, can you think of a more californian newspaper article than "Most cocaine diluted with unsafe livestock drug"?

why are there no good flintstones metaphors for witness intimidation?

Seriously. The Bou' spent some considerable effort trying to come up with a good metaphor for witness intimidation based on the cartoon show called the flintstones. (you know, the ones from the town of bedrock).

There just aren't any.

And that may be why Eric Safire, who appears to be a real son of a bitch and not a very good lawyer at the same time, decided to intimidate witnesses while actually in the court room.

Given that we already started with the story of a diamond encrusted bam bam pendant, it was not likely that this case could get any more retarded, but apparently California would like us to reconsider.

coward journalists

yep. san francisco again. in addition to having a rather amazingly terrible record at keeping witnesses alive, san francisco's po-po are apparently really into bad mouthing people that don't trust their ability to keep them alive.

I point to Lt. Mike Stasko, who said of a journalist student who prefers to stay alive:

"we're just going to find some witnesses who aren't cowards, like this student is, hiding behind the shield law"

insert devo theme song here

BUT MOM!!!! ALL I WANTED WAS SOME PAM!!!!

So emotionally ravaged by being Californians are middle school children that they are huffing Pam nonstick spray rather than smoking weed.

now there's legislation.

yes, it's gotten that bad.

porn scion anniversary matricide

Finally, some quality crime in Marin county! I am so sick of all these reports of kids throwing water balloons in Tiburon (DAMN KIDS!!!) and nuisance dog calls in San Rafael (STOP BARKING FIDO!!).

What we need is son of a porn king (excellent title SF chronicle!) whose father murdered his own brother and died 1 year to the day on the date jr decided to bash his ex's head in with a baseball bat and kidnap the now motherless 1 year old on her birthday.

any guesses on settlement figures?

One of the Bou's favorite things about California cops is how they seem hell bent on giving money to criminals.

take the likely settlement associated with this kick in the face.


give the guy credit for knowing when resistance is futile and making your job easier instead of kicking him in the face while he is lying prone and not moving.

oh yeah, and a few hundred thousand dollars too. good idea. THAT'll teach 'im.

first manny ramirez now this

california is home to people dumb enough to take steroids even though they have to piss in a jar for their job - we knew that already.

what's new though is that there are kids in high school marching bands that are taking drugs to increase their performance.

the bou' doesn't even know what to say about that.

if THAT don't insult your manhood...

California sure plays up an awful lot of macho BS - I mean first there was Eric Estrada, (man, he should have a really cool logo or something), and of course, the governator; but what's up with the glorification of the west coast thug?

ESPECIALLY WHEN A TEENAGE GIRL CAN BEAT THEIR ASSES WITH A MARCHING BAND BATTON.

for a brief moment I thought "so...?"

...then I figured out the siblings who locked their retarded sister in a shed were not ten years old, but in their 40s and 50s.

ahhhh....the peninsula.

the hills of beverly

So, the Bou' wants to know which is more lame:

1) Naming a bank "First Bank of Beverly Hills" even though your bank is not located in Beverly Hills

or

2) Naming a bank "First Bank of Beverly Hills" and not having your crap together enough to avoid being shut down by the government?

Thanks for getting our hopes up that a bunch of smug assholes would be losing their money only to realize it's not the same assholes we thought it would be.

Also thanks to the LATimes for the lamest URI i the history of URIs:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/money_co/2009/04/federal-regulators-shut-down-the-first-bank-of-beverly-hills-late-today-and-said-they-would-send-checks-to-insured-deposito.html

vegan terrorists

miltant animal rights activists... hmmm...

the Bou' wonders which state they'd come from...

oh wait, no he doesn't. California, my friends. California is where Daniel Andreas San Diego, who bombed multiple facilities who contracted with an animal testing facility, lived...wait for it...no, not in the woods (good guess though) the suburban sprawl of wine country. gotta love it.

queue the line from repo man...

"I blame society - society made me what I am"

California redefines the word friend

yessir, california, ever the vanguard state, has redefined the term friend to include "people who freak out after you die in a hottub from the meth and roofies they fed you".

the 'bou's been pushing the folks he knows in the dictionary business to get with the times on this one.

If BART cops can do it, so can Fresno cops

The Bou's favorite part about the whole story is how the chief of police's first concern seems to be telling everyone that the cops were justified. I'm sure it'll be a fair investigation.

when the judges tell you to free all the prisoners...

you are doing something wrong.

yes, the very same people that send people to the jail are telling the state to let them go, because there is just so much awesome crime in California. (technically this may not be there actual reason, but it's hard to tell).

I will point out that it has to be cheaper for the state to have less people in jail, unless that's where all the firefighters come from.

i have an idea - let's put guns in the projects!

great idea. from san francisco of course.

no comment on the over/under

When the Bou' saw the headline "Man Accused of Selling Daughter for Cash, Beer" he knew California was involved. The question was: Northern or Southern California? It's pretty obvious that there are a great many possible areas in California where this could happen from the deep woods of northern Siskayou county to the meth trailers of southern Kern county.

Well, it turns out that Greenfield is pretty much exactly on the line dividing northern and southern California.

apparently halfway home does not mean you are half of the way home

California as a special kind of work training program for convicted felons. It's called letting them out of jail so they can commit crimes under government supervision and it's taking the state by storm!!!

Yes, while in a halfway house for transitioning from jail (for bank robbing) Elisa Monique Lipkins went off and rolled a bank she had hit in the past. Good job Elisa and GREAT JOB California!

a mile square and all there

The Bou' would like to point out that Covina is not just a mile square and all there, it's a place where Californians dress as santa and shoot as many people as possible at a christmas party.

Now, say what you will about the suburbs of los angeles, but gun toting santas, well that's as Californian as it gets.

I majored in misspelling and minored in vandalism

You may remember Cyrus Yazdani from earlier KoC posts featuring the benefits of riding public transportation in The Angels - well, he's back in teh news. Yep. after some $300K in damage (all creativity subsidized by the public education system in California) Buket is out of jail after time served waiting for trial.

So much for having his name changed to Bukem.

reality TV turned up a notch - California style

where else can you watch a man throw himself into a a city bus that doesn't stop, people break into cars, drag races and bum fights in High Definition?

well, on the internets of california, duh!

Now, the Bou' is always amazed at little moving boxes of light - there's one sitting on his lap right now - but taking cinema verite to the next level, well, that takes it to a whole new level.

What the Bou' doesn't get is why anyone would move to the 'Loin...

bonus endorsement from the SF Comical: "one of the greatest at-work time-killers ever to pop up on your monitor"

it's not just two buttons, you have to push one of them twice!

alternatively, one could just suppose that finding the 11 key was taking too long.

yes, a paralegal is being defended by his employer (former employer?) after bashing the head in of an alleged home intruder, cutting said head off, along with the limbs, and burying all the parts up in the mountains.

the claimed defense (only in California would this work) "I didn't have time to dial 911" - before his trip to the mountains I suppose.

what's interesting to the Bou' is that the victim/alleged assailant is still unidentified.

Ahhhh Fresno.