they don't make tin hats for stealing...

...but damnit, they should.

So, the Bou' has to wonder what the root word for TRUSTee is in California because clearly, there is no traditional requirement for being trustworthy. Proof:

"The man planted the stolen ketchup bottle by my bike".

In all fairness the Bou' does support bike riding.

come to california and kill over ice cream

The Bou' points out that California not only has tons of "endangered" species, but that if those endangered species team up on you and your mate, steal your ice cream and shit on you, well deal with it.

sir, you forgot your mcribs!

ah los angeles, where grown men punch teenage girls in the face (multiple times) for arguing with them about cutting in line.

safe bets those kids will blame all women for the beating they received in the car too.

The Bou' has said it before and he'll say it again: all those beef steroids are no good for developing temper management skills.

Also, the Bou' has to just say "McRib, WTF?" Some genius in Brookfield probably got a fat bonus for coming up with the idea of making a mcnugget process that could make processed red meat look like a bovine exoskeleton.

This "incident" also provides opportunity to address a key issue here - if California is kicked out of the union, won't it impact plush corporate headquarters in places like Illinois? No!! Haven't you ever heard of outsourcing? It's all the rage in sprawling suburban corporate headquarters the globe over.

The Bou' is so lovin' it.

van halen

I know I know I know. you're thinkin' Boutros, will we lose van halen if we get california kicked out of the union? I've wondered too.

In fact I've thought long and hard about it. here's what I've come up with:

1) Despite an awful lot of rocking, van halen sucks. No matter what anyone says, they haven't had a great album since 1979 and even that is a stretch by about a year. what really sucks about van halen is that they're like a soap opera instead of like a proper rock band where someone dies and it's over. kinda like cheap trick, except that I'm pretty sure cheap trick has always rocked, hasn't really kicked anyone out and back into the band multiple times, and no one has died (and they're from illinois, which is staying put).

2) Even despite 1) above, it's pretty clear that losing van halen is a real risk for kicking california out of the union - but then it dawned on me:

there are lots of great hard rockin' bands from outside of the united states.

iron maiden comes to mind. so do the scorpions. plus i'm pretty sure that sammy hagar lives in mexico most of the time already anyway.

so it's not all bad. that's all I'm saying. and on the plus side, well, eddie van halen could be denied a visa for the US during his coke binges.