spoiled rich kids

San Francisco AGAIN.

What is with this city? apparently these people.

Seriously, the Bou' is tempted to find out where ALL of these peoples' houses are and take a big crap in their front yard.

The Bou' knows that pretty much all cities are run by rich people, but only San Francisco is run by rich kids that act like spoiled whiners.

child labor laws and non-celebutards

Ah Los Angeles, where there are RULES damnit. REAL RULES. RULES that say you can't make even just one child work more than a few hours a day, let alone eight of them that are forever doomed to D class reality trip.

I predict a "jesus christ - the pathos is killing me" tag on this one.

prison junkies

what makes this story interesting?

junkie moms is boring newz. but CALIFORNIAN junkie moms is where it's at yo!

helping children and fighting gangs? isn't that your job?

The OC is such a special place. The OC is where cops who intimidate witnesses are allowed to ask for reduced sentances because of their record of work helping children and fighting gangs.

wait a minute... aren't you a cop? you mean you're getting paid in exchange for helping children and fighting gangs and you would get fired if you didn't and you think that means you deserve to be able to serve less time for committing crimes while supposedly enforcing the law?

well, that's just phenomenally assenine.

banging and mashing the bangers

Only a week after the Bou' learned that California is also responsible for producing lesbian kickboxing porn movies (more on that later) Californian kickboxers are in the news again.

in a word:

AWESOME.

Apparently the state was sued by a drunk kickboxer on a motorcycle who ran over a bunch of pigs on a highway.

which of the following is the lamest?:

1) drunk kickboxers in wheelchairs

2) wild pigs tearin' it up in beachfront communities

3) California allowing itself to be sued for not keeping wild animals off the street so that drunk kickboxers don't have to worry about maintaining proper stopping distances in beachfront communities?

if san francisco was a turd

it would be steaming.

seriously folks:

is there one other place in the world you would think of when you read the line "a coed live-in commune dedicated to the female orgasm"?

no. no there is not

it's true that the Bou' compulsively clicks on links

that feature pet CPR.

it would take a californian to think this is news

Yup, the LA Times is blown away that a bunch of goddamned hippies are buying all the Priuses. Well, duh.

Next you're going to tell me that people driving around drunk are more likely to smash into a random building full of stoners - oh wait.

See, what the LA Times has forgotten is that the rest of the United States of Americans already knows that California is the most Californian place in the world.

Duh people - it's called California for a reason.

I see your drug abuse and I raise you my habit

Ah sunny California, where habits are easy to come by and dudes seem to forget the line "dudes on ludes should not drive".

Where else can you get a guy wasted on booze smashing into a random house and it being a full blown pot farm operation?

totally excellent.

i think i look just like my pet torture contest

good idea san francisco: force people to make their pets look like they think they look themselves.

will someone please stop this?

it's not the answer that's blowin' in the wind

malibu, the place what brings you the best barbi EVAR and, now, stories of Bob Dylan surrounding himself with poop.

what a load of crap all around.

crystal meth + chihuahua = riverside county

Count 'em: 800. wild dogs.

The Bou' is trying to put this in perspective:

if X is wild dog, this is Riverside county's favorite trailer park:

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

AND FOR GODSAKE BE CAREFUL TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR CHILDREN - THOSE CHIHUAHUAS CAN BE MEAN WHEN THEY'RE HUNGRY!!!!

The Bou' is not making up this caption from a photograph:

"Residents say the aggressive dogs leave them too afraid to go English classes or the laundromat"

Thank goodness the math and science classes are still being attended.

when drugs being prohibited at athletic events is news...

....you have a problem.

and I (do and) don't mean this:



but really san francisco, is this newsworthy? and does the paper have to pretend like it's the end of the world? I mean, the bou' knows your subscriptions are down, but sheesh.

which dickhead thought of this?

Seriously, a fuzzy man-sized penis?

I would like the santa pez dispenser

and while you're at it, would you mind running my state?

yep. the Bou' is amazed, from selling chotchkes on the internets to trying to run the worlds Xth largest economy - ladies and gentlemen: Meg Whitman.

this industry ain't big enough for the boths of us

Los Angeles and Ventura counties, despite holding an industry the size of Hollywood to say nothing of 15+million people, apparently isn't big enough for two pornography companies that share the name Flynt.

Larry Flynt - of hustler industries fame -, after firing his nephews, is suing them for using the family name to make porno. I say porno instead of porn or pornography because, well, it's the Flynt family after all and they've got titles such as "Positive Exposure" and "Sex at Your Service" (I guess "sex at your cervix" was taken already).

Honestly the Bou' doesn't really no what to say about this one except pass the purell.

dry humping dolce and gabbana's intellectual property for fun and leisure

Wow. The more quality time the Bou' spends on DJ Donovan's website the more he understands that certain kinds of people are just compulsively drawn to California.

a choice sample of quintessential hucksterism not seen since all the okies blew in from the dust bowl:

For the very first time in DJ Donovan's professional career, he will create a nostalgic collection of his biggest dancefloor anthems that best rocked his dancefloors at all of his most famous parties in 2008. So for all of you who love those certain "Donovan signature songs" that moved you on the floor and had you singing, this is your chance to obtain your Donovan favorites on one private "exclusive" CD collection not available for sale or in store. All of the songs from "THE VERY BEST OF DJ DONOVAN 2008" were performed live by DJ Donovan during his set on New Year's Eve at City Hall. So for those who rang in the New Year's in Donovan's MAIN ROTUNDA ROOM can now take home the actual emotion and nostalgia of your San Francisco City Hall New Year's Eve 2008 experience with "THE VERY BEST OF DJ DONOVAN 2008" CD. Only New Year's Eve at City Hall Ticketholders who purchase 2 or more pictures from Donovan's New Year's Eve @ City Hall photo gallery (coming soon) will receive a COMPLIMENTARY CD copy of "THE VERY BEST OF DJ DONOVAN 2008" mailed directly to their home!

Now the Bou' is going to go wash the slime off his keyboard.

a california sandra day o'connor and ruth bader ginzberg walk into a bar...

as if publishing porn isn't bad enough, it turns out that a "conservative" (that's California conservative in case you were praying for clarification) judge is emailing titty jokes to an apparently not so select list.

The Bou' wonders why he got left off the list.

all y'all bitches need to get up off of my lawn

there is so much california in this story about people being prohibited from exercising on grass I am not sure exactly where to puke on it.

Well clearly the name entitles you to SOMETHING

maybe it's stabbing your wife.

Yes, Jesus Jihad stabbed his wife and blamed it, not on his rather Californian name, but instead on the economy, stupid.

"It shouldn't be no surprise that it ended in violence," Jihad said in an Oakland courtroom. "Jihad is going to prison. The problem in Oakland is guns and violence. So this is the end result."

santa barbara overrun by ferrel chihuahuas

it's bad enough to have all those kids that don't even know what their parents look like and confuse the words mommy and nanny, but now it appears that santa barbara is being overrun by ferrel chihuahuas.

"More than 100 high-energy Chihuahuas abandoned by owners have been crowding Santa Barbara County's three shelters in recent months, leading Animal Services officials to stage this week's Adopt-a-Chihuahua Week."

Come on Santa Barbara, surely you can afford therapy for your little nippers!

Alternatively, you could put some prada or gucci rocks in their little totes and throw them into the ocean.

Only in San Francisco..

can you run faster than anyone else and lose because you don't consider yourself elite.

seriously lame.

a little background:

Arien O'Connell, a middle school teacher ran faster than all the other women in the Nike (rhymes with hates women) marathon, wasn't allowed to win because she didn't consider herself elite and prizes are only given to the people that consider themselves elite, not the fastest person in the race.

SO TAKE THAT YOU LIBERAL ELITES, or not, maybe. You have confused the Bou'.

Seriously, The line that comes to mind is "what in the hell is wrong with you idiots?" I mean, we already are pretty sure that Portland is like San Francisco in ENGLISH, but come on.

I have seen the best minds of my generation

...so full of tripe they'd get kicked out of the halal butcher down the street from my crib.

So, California, it's come to this?

Fine, let Hollywood make a movie about Alan Ginsberg if it must, who am I to stop them? but Señor "Cal Gadot" - IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME - your boldness, well, I would be sitting around and waiting for a very, very, very interminably long time to meet its likeness - you who compares the first public reading of Herr Ginsberg's Howl to the sermon on the mount of all things.

The Bou' knows all sorts of smart ass Californians that are going to compare the lifestyles of Jesus and Alan now, but save it for the comments my friends, no - not the comments here - go directly to the LA Times.

marin's illiterate

I was in Marin county the day before yesterday (returning organic milk which was spoiled when I opened it the morning after I purchased it) when a gentleman asked the cashier in front of me to fill out his "saver" card application.

She was somewhat incredulous, then realized the reason, which he mentioned under his breath: he could not read or write well enough to do so on his own.

WHAT? in MARIN COUNTY of all places.

Can the Bou' get a WTF?

yes, yes he can.

WTF?

killing for jesus

Yes, California, and only California, can produce an epic battle of wills, good vs. evil, where hell's angels and a christian biker gang can get us into a knife fight and those on the side of jesus can wind up being charged with attempted murder.

But seriously, which god fearing harley davidson riding jesus-o-phile would not stab the minions of satan himself?

first nancy reagan, now gavin newsome

yeesh. gavin newsome, he of ass sex blessing fame, got hitched by a psychic.

why wasn't this news when he got married?

why did i have to wait until an article about her predictions of his future in politics and reproductive practices to find out?

is it because calfiornia is retarded?

yes. yes it is.

pet masseuse???!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I present Patti Moran, certified animal massage therapist.

Oh Jesus please someone kick California out of the United States already.

Some choice quotes:

"...I was helping to care for abused and neglected donkeys"

"I charge $40 an hour, but I also work for shorter periods depending on the animal's needs and attention span"

"I use a combination of Swedish massage, T-Touch, acupressure, myofascial release, and trigger point. I also offer information about proper nutrition and the use of herbs."

"Eventually animals go into this state where they are totally relaxed and they take me with them."

Oh Christ, just read the whole damned thing.

The comments are excellent: "I teach Acupressure for Animals in Berkeley at the Acupressure Institute"

developmentally disabled orange county authorities jealous of teenager

It's hard to not be embarrassed of Orange County.

There are TV shows that prove it sucks, there are reality TV shows that prove it sucks even more. There are sheriffs that are criminals. Oh yeah, there are all those people from Orange County too. (the latter two being the hardest to blame on the county to the west northwest).

this one though, really tops it all for me. the OC, which in case you were wondering is probably the name of a TV show but could just be shorthand for too many chromosomes, is prosecuting a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT for changing his grades.

Seeking THIRTY FIVE years. I'm going to write that out in numbers in case there's anyone from the OC reading: 28 years.

you guys are pathetic.

In rare exception to the formal kickoutcalifornia.com position I'm going to have to suggest that the OC should not be kicked into the same whatever the rest of California is kicked into. PLEASE.

Rob Reiner

I had contemplated starting on my list of California CEOs that make people want to kick California out of the union, but then I thought of Rob Reiner.

A lot of people may be wondering which tags I'm going to use for this post - yes meathead will be one of them - but I also point to boob, goddamned hippies, hollywood liberals, smugness, anti-smoking campaigns, the proposition system, and of course jesus christ - the pathos is killing me.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present Rob Reiner, Californian.



Also, I've given this some thought and I'm pretty sure that This is Spinal Tap is actually a foreign film already, so no worries there.

rancho cucamonga

I really don't even need to put anything after "rancho cucamonga" I mean, come on. THE NAME ALONE.

But wait, that's not all. If you donate now, you'll find that the city's civic operations such as city hall etc. are located in a mall.

yes. city hall = mall.

so, while the name would seem to be enough, we find that in fact the name portends something far, far more sinister: total absurdity. the end, or possibly the highest form of, the american way.

do you part.