oakland finally gets it shit together

I know, we were all getting to the breaking point having to step of the bodies of murdered street walkers to say nothing of kids sitting on their front porches, but oakland has finally got a solution to all its woes:

put an immediate stop to all these terrible nail salons!

THANK FUCKING GOD!!!! IT WAS GETTING SO DAMNED OUT OF CONTROL I HAD NO IDEA IF IT WOULD EVER BE SAFE AGAIN!!


Look. Really. The Bou' has actually had to step around dead bodies on the street in Oakland before, but those kinds of problems pale in comparison to the scourge that is small business owners paying rent to landlords of otherwise vacant parcels and employing themselves and maybe 2 or 3 others? Perhaps, and maybe this is a stretch, but just perhaps if the city council got its head out of its collective ass and actually tried to do something, you know, like, umm, ANYTHING, well then maybe there would just be a chance for Oakland. Except of course for the fact that it is in California.

helping children and fighting gangs? isn't that your job?

The OC is such a special place. The OC is where cops who intimidate witnesses are allowed to ask for reduced sentances because of their record of work helping children and fighting gangs.

wait a minute... aren't you a cop? you mean you're getting paid in exchange for helping children and fighting gangs and you would get fired if you didn't and you think that means you deserve to be able to serve less time for committing crimes while supposedly enforcing the law?

well, that's just phenomenally assenine.

The economy for assholes is going strong in California

Overheard on Lombard Street in San Francisco:

GUY IN BRAND NEW BLACK LAMBORGHINI: (into cell phone) Dude! I just got my new Lamborghini!

GUY ON SPEAKERPHONE: Dude! What color?

GUY IN BRAND NEW BLACK LAMBORGHINI: Black!

(peels out at light)

GUY IN BRAND NEW BLACK LAMBORGHINI: (stopped at next light 1 block away) 560 horsepower!!!

GUY ON SPEAKERPHONE: That's more care than you deserve dude!

GUY IN BRAND NEW BLACK LAMBORGHINI: I KNOW!

(peels out at light)

Phenomenal Ass, Phenomenally Asinine

(I will start off this post by pointing out the title is exceptionally titular [I am such a jerk] when considered in the context of the cheif law enforcement officer of a county)

Being sheriff of one of California's most conservative counties has it's benefits. Among them: phenomenal ass.

oh and never "having" to shake anyone down.

(does it make him seem totally lame that riding in personal planes is on the list? yes, although the Bou' woulda given him some slack for saying that he got phenomenal ass in personal planes.)

to say nothing of having your personal confidant wired recording everything you say to give to the feds.

it's good to be the king, it sucks to be the king. even if only the king of orange county.

"You're right, I've had a life that's been absolutely blessed," he says. "I've met millionaires, billionaires, I've traveled on personal airplanes, and I never shook anybody down for any [expletive], so. . . . Not that I haven't, you know, drank some great wine, and had great booze and . . . got some, you know, phenomenal [sex] along the way."