even the po-po dogs in california are on the medicine

yes, the drug dogs are snorting Tina. The Bou' has to admit, it's gotta be a stressful job, and if you've got those tendencies and your job is to have your nose right in the stuff, well. damnit. that ain't right.

I'm lookin' out for you Balu.

California schools encouraging phone sex with school children

The Bou' is struggling a bit with this one:

A fund raiser t-shirt for an elementary school that featured the school mascot and a phone sex number.

At least their mascot isn't the chicken hawk.

the hills of beverly

So, the Bou' wants to know which is more lame:

1) Naming a bank "First Bank of Beverly Hills" even though your bank is not located in Beverly Hills

or

2) Naming a bank "First Bank of Beverly Hills" and not having your crap together enough to avoid being shut down by the government?

Thanks for getting our hopes up that a bunch of smug assholes would be losing their money only to realize it's not the same assholes we thought it would be.

Also thanks to the LATimes for the lamest URI i the history of URIs:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/money_co/2009/04/federal-regulators-shut-down-the-first-bank-of-beverly-hills-late-today-and-said-they-would-send-checks-to-insured-deposito.html

helping children and fighting gangs? isn't that your job?

The OC is such a special place. The OC is where cops who intimidate witnesses are allowed to ask for reduced sentances because of their record of work helping children and fighting gangs.

wait a minute... aren't you a cop? you mean you're getting paid in exchange for helping children and fighting gangs and you would get fired if you didn't and you think that means you deserve to be able to serve less time for committing crimes while supposedly enforcing the law?

well, that's just phenomenally assenine.

I see your drug abuse and I raise you my habit

Ah sunny California, where habits are easy to come by and dudes seem to forget the line "dudes on ludes should not drive".

Where else can you get a guy wasted on booze smashing into a random house and it being a full blown pot farm operation?

totally excellent.

it's not the answer that's blowin' in the wind

malibu, the place what brings you the best barbi EVAR and, now, stories of Bob Dylan surrounding himself with poop.

what a load of crap all around.

children swimming in seal feces

Oh mommy! Mommy! Let's go! Let's go!!!

The city of gagillion dollar seaside homes is tired of spending money arguing with the spoiled parents of spoiled children about dangerous wildlife that has historically utilized the area's coastal regions for millions of years so they have made it legal for seals to poop in pools. I know it's confusing how having seals lawfully permitted to poop in a pool your child is using would make a lawsuit go away, and in all likelihood it will not, but the environmentalists are barking (seals bark you know) on one side and the poopaphobic parents are screaming gagillion dollar poop abatement plan on the other. I mean, what's a seaside resort community of entitlement and crass consumption to do?

+ =

The Bou' wants to know where to get those Prada seal bashing clubs!

no comment on the over/under

When the Bou' saw the headline "Man Accused of Selling Daughter for Cash, Beer" he knew California was involved. The question was: Northern or Southern California? It's pretty obvious that there are a great many possible areas in California where this could happen from the deep woods of northern Siskayou county to the meth trailers of southern Kern county.

Well, it turns out that Greenfield is pretty much exactly on the line dividing northern and southern California.

a mile square and all there

The Bou' would like to point out that Covina is not just a mile square and all there, it's a place where Californians dress as santa and shoot as many people as possible at a christmas party.

Now, say what you will about the suburbs of los angeles, but gun toting santas, well that's as Californian as it gets.

cowboys and indians in the land of john wayne

your kids have to dress up like indians, your kids can't dress up like indians. welcome to the wonderful world that is california - where battles over school dress-up day make people so mad that they have asked the state to give their school less money to educate their children in protest.

Will all the parents do the Bou' a big favor and get your hind quarters on the short bus and go home?

all y'all bitches need to get up off of my lawn

there is so much california in this story about people being prohibited from exercising on grass I am not sure exactly where to puke on it.

who's that?.....squirrel

only in echo park ladies and gentlemen.

"i'd give my nuts to have what you have"

sir, you forgot your mcribs!

ah los angeles, where grown men punch teenage girls in the face (multiple times) for arguing with them about cutting in line.

safe bets those kids will blame all women for the beating they received in the car too.

The Bou' has said it before and he'll say it again: all those beef steroids are no good for developing temper management skills.

Also, the Bou' has to just say "McRib, WTF?" Some genius in Brookfield probably got a fat bonus for coming up with the idea of making a mcnugget process that could make processed red meat look like a bovine exoskeleton.

This "incident" also provides opportunity to address a key issue here - if California is kicked out of the union, won't it impact plush corporate headquarters in places like Illinois? No!! Haven't you ever heard of outsourcing? It's all the rage in sprawling suburban corporate headquarters the globe over.

The Bou' is so lovin' it.

when the man unmanifies someone

Is it more amazing that the man went and castrated someone or that the LATimes, for the first time ever, showed some restraint?

I quote:

"the 23-year-old male, whom The Times is not identifying because of the nature of his injuries"

So apparently insult is not added to injury in some (wait for it...) circum...stances.

at least the high notes will be easier to hit.

The Bou' will admit he crossed his legs uncomfortably while writing this one up. In a totally different way than he did from the previous post.

so big of us

la quinta, where homes start around half a mil and go way, way up.

nice place to get hitched. twice.

so take THAT, Utah!